


And it stares me in the face/And holds me speechless

by duckgirlie



Category: Star Trek RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-11-02
Updated: 2010-11-02
Packaged: 2017-10-17 18:52:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/180107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/duckgirlie/pseuds/duckgirlie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some days, Chris thinks Zach would rather be outed in some scandalous incident then with quiet dignity.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And it stares me in the face/And holds me speechless

**Author's Note:**

> For [this prompt](http://community.livejournal.com/trek_rpf_kink/2887.html?thread=4323399#t4420679) in the [](http://community.livejournal.com/trek_rpf_kink/profile)[**trek_rpf_kink**](http://community.livejournal.com/trek_rpf_kink/) meme. Title from "Backwards & Forwards" by Aztec Camera.

  


There are, obviously, cameras everywhere, and it's nice to be in a situation where he can be fairly certain most of them aren't for him. Or they weren't, anyway, until someone noticed them in the crowd, and suddenly he's got microphones and cameras in his face, and the journalists are doing that thing where they ask a question they know the answer to, just because they've never gotten it on film before.

Behind his glasses, Chris rolls his eyes at the barrage of 'why are you heres' coming at them, because really? There's a truly tiny list of reasons why anyone'd be here, today, and as neither of them are the 'god hates fags' type, that knocks the list down even further.

>   
> _(I'm sorry, we should probably back up for a second.)_   
> 

Zach had Chris pressed against a wall in the back of a nightclub, and between his lips on Chris's neck and his hand down Chris's pants, Chris has pretty much forgotten his earlier objections.

Because yes, they're in a dark corner, but they're still, y'know , _in public_. And even if most of the people here either don't care or have enough to lose themselves, it still only takes one.

Chris managed to disentangle himself before things went too far, and earned a slightly tipsy pout from Zach for his trouble. He rolled his eyes and turned Zach around, pushing him towards the door and following behind. Once they're outside, Zach stood slightly too close for plausible deniability and leaned in even closer as he hailed a cab.

Some days, Chris thinks Zach would rather be outed in some scandalous incident then with quiet dignity.

>   
> _(Or maybe he's just drunk. But I think we need to back up even further. )_   
> 

There are days when Zach wishes he was less of a cliché, because inside the person he is now there's still the skinny kid with bad posture that fell in love with boys he'd never get so he could push back the actual dealing-with-it part as far as he could. Even now, with years of boyfriends and yoga lessons behind him, there are still moments when he flashes back to high school and can't quite believe he isn't that guy anymore, even if he still has a habit of falling in love with boys he'll never get.

When he meets Chris, he thinks it's starting all over again. Because guys like Chris who'd bleed West-coast nonchalance if you cut them don't fall in love with Catholic boys from back east who still haven't quite convinced themselves that they're allowed to feel this way.

Chris didn't do tortured, because Chris didn't care what people say behind his back, and he's too perfect for them to ever say it to his face.

Except that it seems Chris has a habit of falling in love with people who fall in love with him. Zach never had a chance.

The night Prop 8 gets overturned, Chris goes to about six parties and rolls his eyes when people ask when he's going to be made an honest man. Zach calls him at 4am and asks the same question just as his words start to slide together, so Chris tells him whenever he wants and stays on the line until Zach starts to snore.

The next time they talk properly, the decision's been stayed, and they don't talk about that conversation.

The night Zach posts his It Gets Better video, Chris calls him as soon as he can be sure he's free, but he doesn't know quiet what to say. Zach just listens to his breathing for a minute, before asking him not to read the reactions, and switches the conversation onto something lighter.

Zach's right when he think Chris doesn't do tortured. Or he used to be, at least. Because the thing is, Chris is pretty sure he could come out tomorrow, and his agent would explode, and maybe a few job offers would dry up, but he's pretty sure the rest of the reaction would be positive. He doesn't have any of the big gay blogs constantly trying to push him out, no one who doesn't personally know him knows enough to accuse him of playing the double-standard, so he's never been worried before.

Zach though. Zach's screwed either way, because if he says nothing–like he's perfectly entitled too– they say he's a hypocrit, but if he ever does say anything, then it's on their terms, and really, all he wants is to be normal, and his relationship is really the least interesting thing about him.

>   
> _(And we're back to that night outside the nightclub.)_   
> 

At least if there's some giant exposé, they can issue a quiet statement and go back to never talking about it, but Chris stepped back from Zach anyway, because this isn't a decision you should make at 2am, and they crawled into the taxi, sitting just close enough together that Zach could twist his fingers into Chris's shirt cuff.

Back at home, they fell into bed, Zach wrapped himself around Chris and just as he hovers on the edge of sleep he thinks he can hear Zach whisper 'I do still want you to marry me', but he's too far away from awake to respond, and when they wake up he doesn't quite know how to bring it up again.

Until the stay gets lifted on a perfect July day, and Zach does something that might be considered rash.

 _ZacharyQuinto today is a good day. come to the county clerk's office. be a part of something beautiful_

He picked Chris up outside his agent's office, which earned him a confused but genuine smile as they wander through the city, until they arrived at the country clerk and Chris stopped dead in his tracks.

"You know where we are, right?"

Zach shoved his hands into his pockets and looked out over the crowd. "Um, I know it's been a really long time, but you... You said yes. I mean, unless you've changed your... Which you can, I mean, if–"

"Zach, stop." Chris cut him off. "I'm just a little surprised."

Zach shrugged, blushing slightly.

"Do you mind if I ask why now? I mean, not that it matters, but I'm just curious."

Zach combed his hands through his hair and looked at Chris.

"I'm getting old?" He laughed slightly. "But the world is moving forward, and maybe I'd like to move a little bit forward too."

Chris grinned and grabbed his hand, dragging him to the back of the queue.

>   
> _(And now we've come full circle)._   
> 


End file.
